Reminisce this, can you?

WHITE LACE AND RED ROSES.... You promised white lace and red roses, I got blue denim and wildflowers... White lace has since turned yellow, red roses have long ago died. Blue denim is now faded on wildflowers... I cried. There's no white lace to wear no red roses to gaze apon. Instead I wear blue denim jeans and pick flowers from the lawn... You promised white lace and red roses, I got blue denim and wild flowers... EMPTY PROMISES...

Reminisce this, can you?
Hmmm...........



Well you certainly need to change the block paragraph thing; when presenting poetry it should show some form of organisation; even freeverse poetry.



I must say however I do really like the idea of the poem; white lace and roses, fancy and elegant, receiving insteaad of something common and plain. I like the dissappointed tone... however what absolutely ruins this poem is that last line "EMPTY PROMISES" ... terrible.. get rid of it, and your poem will be threefold improved.
Reply:Now this is really intriguing: not quite prose poem, but a solid structure that supports the mood and theme. Not a structure for conservative tastes, perhaps, but it absolutely fits the mood of the poem.



"EMPTY PROMISES" is dead on: sad and bitter, with only a slight undertone of anger; more disappointment than blame, such a natural flow from the feelings that lead into it.



I also like that the readers can see beyond the view of the protagonist, perceiving the solid, durable nature of the denim and wildflowers while the protagonist does not see beyond the loss of romantic illusion.



Like all good poems, this requires more than one reading to see into its innards.

beauty eye