Help with a mythological poem? (lost in meltdown)?

Unearthly beauty, face and form

Her smile calmed the wild storm

Persephone!



Wherever lovely foot touched earth,

The flowers laughed, for very mirth -

Persephone!



The love of all was hers, and more -

Her goodness was the stuff of lore -

Persephone!



The end, alas, is drawing near!

The Prince of Darkness takes his dear

Persephone!



The land bewails their mistress taken

They whisper low, their joy now shaken,

"Persephone..."





I thought the second stanza a bit awkward... are there any other parts that seem bad?



Any help would be much appreciated! This is my first draft, scribbled in the dead of night because it was burning a hole in my head and I couldn't sleep. When I looked at it the next morning I thought it might actually have promise, and I added the last stanza.



I posted it last night during the horrid meltdown (how long did that end up being, anyway? I went to bed), and got a couple of people to answer by posting the link on the Y!A forums.



Thanks!

Help with a mythological poem? (lost in meltdown)?
To much forced rhyming.... not enough emotion.... maybe try free-verse?

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